on staying.

“Why did you stay?” “You really know how to pick em”

-You’re right, I stayed because those long nights of shaking to death weren’t enough for me to leave.

I stayed because being on constant alert was exhilarating.

I stayed because the cuts on my arms were enough for me to feel loved.

I stayed because I enjoyed feeling guilty over crying.

I stayed because not sleeping for four nights straight was better than actually connecting with any sense of sanity.

I stayed because I enjoyed being torn down.

I stayed because walking on eggshells made it easy to communicate to others.

I stayed because isolation was perhaps the highlight of the whole relationship.

I stayed because feeling responsible for a death was romantic.

I stayed because I love feeling unworthy of any variable of love.

I stayed because rape was my new norm.

I stayed because rape was his salvation.

 

I stayed because the chains had such a strong hold on my ankles.

After all, it’s hard to scream abuse when his hands prevent me from doing so.

Staying wasn’t a choice.

Staying was a command;

An unwritten testament.